


Everybody leaves (but this time maybe he's found someone who'll stay)

by Stephilou



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Best Friends, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hurt James T. Kirk, Hurt/Comfort, James T. Kirk Has Issues, Leonard "Bones" McCoy is a Good Friend, Panic Attacks, Protective Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24881686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stephilou/pseuds/Stephilou
Summary: After a bad fight at the academy and Bones storms out, Jim fears he's lost him for good just like everyone else and begins to spiral into panic. When Bones comes back to fix things and sees the state Jim's in, he feels guilty and proceeds to set him straight.
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Comments: 10
Kudos: 139





	Everybody leaves (but this time maybe he's found someone who'll stay)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting a fic on here, so any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Hope you enjoy :)

Everybody leaves.

It's a truth he knows right down to the core of him.

He's too loud, or he's too cocky, too smart, too crazy, t ~~oo insecure, too scared, too lost~~ Always too _something._ Always too _much_. Yet he's never been enough for someone to stay.

He gets it, whether it's a mother, brother, a teacher or a friend.

Everybody leaves.

Everybody leaves _him._

For once Jim allowed himself to think that this time it might be different. That he might just have found the exception to this life long rule in the grumpy, sarcastic, caring Doctor that ruined his only pair of shoes on the shuttle that brought them here. He'd let Bones slip through his iron clad defences and let himself believe that someone might stay.

_He was so goddamn stupid._

He should have known that it would only be a matter of time before his only friend took a long look at Jim kirk and saw the broken mess of boy masquerading as a man and turned away.

He wished he'd had longer before this happened, but maybe it was better like this. To Sever the ties before the feeling of belonging buries any deeper.

In the end all it took was a fight- granted a bad one, with heated words and barbs meant to cut, (god knows they can both be bastards when they want to be) for Bones to walk out. The worst thing is he can't even remember how it started only that it ended with his best friend (his first real friend) walking away.

He buries his face in his hands and tries to think, tries to _breathe,_ tries to stem the flow of panic he can feel coursing through him at the thought of being alone again. It's too late. His whole body is shaking, a lump is rising in his throat, tears sting his eyes and as hard as he wills himself to take a breath, he can't do it. He hasn't had an attack this bad in a long time, tries to forgot why he's having one now. Tries to remind himself that he **can** breathe.

_But Bones is gone, he’s left him because he’s a fuck up, he’s a terrible person and he has no business being here, trying to make something of himself from the ashes, he doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve Bones, but he’s gone now-_

He's lost to the downward spiral of his thoughts, he's too far into the blinding panic that he doesn’t hear the door slide back open, he’s too incoherent to hear how the other man falters at the end of saying "Ok. Let’s fix this" as he sees the state Jim has managed to get himself into in only a few short moments.

If he wasn't so distraught, he'd almost be impressed.

He doesn't see the frantic look on McCoy’s face as he rushes forward, or register the increasing concern in the other mans tone as he fails to illicit a reaction from his friend. All he can focus on his inability to breathe as the walls close in on him, _and he's dizzy, and nauseous, and he just. can't. bre-_

"JIM" He blinks as a familiar voice finally reaches him through the fog. He becomes aware of Bones kneeling in front of him, reaching for him.. and _he wants to laugh and cry and scream all at the same time because bones is **here** , and he'll reach out and he'll touch Jim, he'll comfort him, maybe even ruffle his hair in the way he'll never admit he enjoys. Everything will be ok now because he's_-

 **NO**. Before he's even aware of moving he's scrambled to the other side of room, arms wrapped tightly around his body as if he's trying (and failing) to hold himself together. He can't bear the Doctors touch right now, or his comfort. Not now he knows it will only be snatched away again later. He's being Doctorly is all, he isn't capable of leaving someone in distress- not even a fuck-up like his now, former friend.

That’s all this is. Duty. It makes his insides ache.

For a long moment they just look at each other, the only sound between them is Jim's erratic breathing as he fights to calm down. To lock away his vulnerability and except the inevitable.

"Jim, I-" Bones begins. "You left" Jim cuts in, the words escaped before he could stop them and if he had more energy the desolation in his voice would have made him wince. Two simple words, yet he sees the weight of them settle on McCoy’s shoulders. Sees the dawning realization creep on him as he remembers Jim’s drunken rambles about the doubts of his own lovability, and the fact that at some point or another everyone his life has walked away. Leonard’s eyes fill with tears at the meaning of his little breakdown.

"God Jim" He sounds as distraught as he feels.

"Not like that, yes I was pissed- yes I stormed out- but I'd never lea-. I was always coming back kid"

"Nobody ever did that before" It's said in whisper, but the other man hears anyway and he watches as his friends face utterly crumbles.

"I know darling, god I know, but I'm not them ok- I'm here to stay. You are officially stuck with drunk ass, got it?" Without him noticing Bones has slowly walked towards him until he's close enough to touch, arms open in an invitation that Jim desperately wants to take, so he does he buries his face in his neck and clings to him with all the strength he has

"Jim- god Jim, I'm so sorry"" The others mans voice is as soft as he's ever heard it "I didn't mean to make ya think I was leavin' . I'm not gonna do that ok?" Jim realises that he may have been wrong about this situation after all- or rather that he was right to begin with. That he just might have found someone who stays.

"I'm never gonna leave ya kid"

**(And two years later when there's chaos all around them and red clad cadets clambering onto to ships while he watches. He doesn't.)** ~~~~


End file.
